October 31, 2014 | 11:02 am

Hello from Halloween Party Central!

Hello from Halloween Party Central! We are busily preparing the parlor and chapel for a spooktacular party tonight. I hope you will join us!

I’d like to take this moment to provide some helpful tips to grown-ups on this special holiday. We talk a lot about how to best nurture and care for our children, and Halloween provides us with an opportunity to steal their candy. So here are some tips for the sneakiest ways to steal their candy:

  1. Guide your trick-or-treaters to choose the best candy. “Brown wrappers mean chocolate.”
  2. Talk up the gross candies. “Oh, that Laffy Taffy looks so delicious! I hope you share that one with me and not this really disgusting peanut butter cup.”
  3. Teach your children good listening skills. “She said to take THREE pieces. Take THREE pieces. Grab that Kit-Kat.”
  4. Set low expectations, and justify them with health concerns. “Yeah, I will probably let you eat less than half of this collection. If you eat all of this your teeth will rot out. Too much sugar is bad for you.”
  5. Confiscate candy and place bag in an obscure, high, and unreachable location at home. “I’ll put this up in the cabinet for you. We wouldn’t want to attract rodents.”
  6. Put child to bed. As early as possible.
  7. Eat as much candy as you can. The good stuff.
  8. Slowly dispense the yucky candy, a couple per day, until the stash is forgotten.
  9. Happy Halloween, West End!