Two great things you can give yor children: one is roots, the other is wings. -Hodding Carter
As a parent, I live in this tension of roots and wings.
Run, but don’t fall!
Wear whatever you want, but take your coat!
You can accomplish anything, but go to college first!
We want our children to feel free to flourish into the fullness of their personalities, gifts and talents. We also want our children to be safe, practical, and grounded. Fear can be both our ally and our enemy as we navigate parenthood and every stage of development. Fear is helpful when I am chopping up bites for my 18-month-old to eat. Fear is not so helpful when I am chopping up bites for my 18-year-old.
In the realm of faith and doubt, parents can be very afraid. We bring our children to the house of worship, hoping to instill an inner faith that will remain with our children through adulthood. Or perhaps we hope that our children will learn ethics, a standard of right and wrong. Or perhaps we hope that our children will embrace an ancient tradition of sacrament, regardless of what they believe about God.
For whatever reasons that you bring your children to church, there is the nagging question, what if it doesn’t work?
I long for my children to grow as followers of Christ, led by the Holy Spirit to find their callings in life. But I cannot control that. I remember a beautiful parable told in Matthew 13 about a farmer who scatters seed along the path, the rocky soil, among weeds, and finally in rich, healthy soil. The ground represents the condition of the hearer when he or she hears the good news.
This is a great parallel for families, but only if we make one distinction. Although we desire to share God’s story and God’s love with our children, we are not the sower. Jesus explains that He is the sower. He does the work. His spirit speaks to our souls. Our job as parents and adult influences is not necessarily to provide all the answers. Our role is to help our children cultivate fertile ground for hearing the good news. We tell the stories, we demonstrate love and grace and forgiveness, and we follow Christ in our everyday lives. And we hope that as our children become lovers of truth, good, and beauty, they will be inexplicably drawn to Christ, the sower.
So, if the soil looks rocky, or the path looks barren or the message just doesn’t seem to be sticking these days, don’t panic. The sower never grows weary.